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Published On: Sat, Jul 18th, 2015

Hubby admires curvy women:Mai Chisamba:

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by Mai Chisamba |

 Hubby admires curvy women

When I was a young girl my mother used the adage kura uone frequently and I just wondered what she meant. When you grow up you hear and see things from a different perspective.

MAI CHISAMBA

MAI CHISAMBA

Mudzimba mune nyaya.

I am happily married and a mother of one. It’s now three years since we tied the knot. I am a very slim lady. Mai Chisamba, my husband talks a lot about how he admires big women. I feel put off when we are in the company of friends, he goes on and on about chizadza dama. I know this is derived from those big round sweets.

When he is driving akaona a big woman anotoita nekamuridzo kuti wow kutovarairwa. I do not want to pick a fight with him about this yet but now it’s getting on my nerves. I do not know whether he says this to spite me or kungotaurawo.

Of late akutonakidzwa neprogramme inobuda paDStv yema curvy brides. Our life is good; our relationship is intact but chizadza dama ichi chanetsa.

The truth is I feel threatened and I am not happy. My problem is I do not know how to go about this Mai Chisamba. Pane any difference here between big and slim women mumaziso evarume? As for me I think it’s the way I was born. I have always been slim. What’s your take on this one?

Response

Yes, the adage kura uone is still as relevant as it has always been. I remember I said in one of my communications that whatever bothers someone is worth looking into and coming up with a possible solution.

In your case I would really want to emphasise on the positives first. You are happily married, your life is good and your relationship is intact – makorokoto! The word intact says it all and that’s what it should be until death separates you. My advice is do not read too much into this chizadza dama issue.

You ask if there is any difference mumaziso emurume between a big woman and a slim one. I will throw that to our male readers. I am a woman too, and a big one.

My personal opinion is there is no difference at all, a woman is a woman, a man is a man. People only differ in attitudes and behaviour.

When you become spouses know that you can talk about anything under the sun because ndopese. I do not understand why you cannot ask him about chizadza dama, find out, get it from the horse’s mouth. Tell him how you feel about his comments. It’s causing you a lot of discomfort, why not talk about it and clear the air. When did he start? Has he always been like that?

Ngaarege kuvarairwa achityaira mota kana aona vakadzi vahombe anopinda mutsaona.

Here is something that can put your mind at ease: “muto wetsenza mumwe chete”, zvakangofanana. Your husband is your soul mate. I do not think he would do anything to spite you if your relationship is intact, I repeat.

Raise your self-esteem and you will never feel threatened. Although, he admires big women you have surpassed them all; you are the love of his life, his beloved wife and the mother of his child. Iwe unongokwatawo nhando wakutotya curvy brides dzepa TV.

I seriously think this is something the two of you can talk about and close the chapter. I wish you all the best.

 

Sunglasses ruining

my marriage

I do not even know how to begin because I am so confused. I am a married woman, blessed with two kids both in primary school.

We are Christians and we go to one of the conventional churches but kana zvaoma tinombobira kuenda kumapostori or even kun’anga. Mai Chisamba, this is what most people do and it seems very normal.

A few months ago I found a pair of ladies’ sunglasses in my husband’s car. I lost my temper when my hubby said he did not know about this. We had a fierce verbal fight and still he wouldn’t say sorry or admit that he was at fault.

I imagined the worst and gave him conditions that I would move out of the bedroom into the spare kudzamara ataura nyaya yechokwadi. The tension between us is increasing by the day, kwandakanoshandirwa vakati ndakaburitswa mubedroom nemamhepo and they further said my husband was going out with a woman who he intends to marry in the near future.

To cut a long story short, we discovered just a few days ago that the sunglasses belong to my friend. She left them when we went to visit our children ku boarding yavano dzidza vese. My friend also fired her long-time maid after accusing her of stealing the same sunglasses.

The truth came out when I was confiding in my friend about the goings-on at my house, that is when she remembered that she had left hers in the glove box of the car we had used then.

My husband is furious and does not want me back in the bedroom. I do not understand this mishap ukuwo my friend has lost a faithful maid. Mamhepo echokwadi here akadai? I love my husband and family and I cannot continue in the spare bedroom any longer. The worst is he has changed the bedroom keys and locks up each time he goes out.

Vanhu vanoroya chokwadi. Kumusha kwanguwo zvinhu hazvina kumbomira mushe. Please help nyaya yemagirazi ingasvike kwakadai?

Response

To tell the truth, I am ashamed of you and do not know how to start. Why all this fuss about nothing, marriage is about trust, if you cannot trust then you are not good for this lifelong commitment.

Your husband told you that he did not know about the sunglasses, instead you tried to arm-twist him but he stood for the truth. Why did you move into the spare bedroom? Did anything change afterwards?

You are no longer young, you have two kids in primary school, this kind of drama is not good for their upbringing.

Why are you talking about religion when you belong to so many? Make up your mind and choose one, from your letter I can tell kuti zvemamhepo makaudzwa dondo, so what are you going to do?

The sunglasses belong to your friend; she just forgot them in the glove box. It hurts to be accused falsely, that’s why your hubby is upset and the drastic measure you took worsened it.

Vasikana kubuda mubedroom zvinoera, ndipo pakakoperwa wanano yose. You and your friend are a terrible combination. She fired her long time maid after accusing her of stealing, that’s mean and cruel.

How are you going to reverse this situation? You cannot continue in the spare bedroom, wakambomupinzwa nani? Kurumwa nechekuchera.

You were right to ask about the sunglasses but the measures you took afterwards were uncalled for. I am happy you love your husband and family but you need to be steady and grow up.

Rope in vana tete or vana mbuya from both sides, inyaya dzebedroom ka idzi. You also need to apologise to your spouse, I hope your friend will do likewise to her ex-maid.

Let’s start with vana tete, we may need to go a gear up if we do not succeed. If I were in your shoes I would truly convert to the Christian religion and just stick to that because haina fembera fembera.

Religion is not about other people and what they do, it’s about your relationship with God. In this case hapana akaroya munhu kana ngano dzawakataura, zvekuti zvinhu kumusha kwako kwakadini does not hold water at all. Life is very short, don’t waste time with unnecessary fights. Vasikana kubudira mubedroom masunglasses, ko mukazoona munhu? Lastly pray sincerely about this situation.

***

Can I take cooking lessons from maid?

I read from this platform a while ago when you advised a certain woman to go for a cooking course. I thought that was a very good idea and I shared it with my husband.

The truth is I never had enough practice as a girl because we had two maids and my mother did not force us to work in the kitchen. It was a matter of choice to eat out or at home. I got married early last year and now am a mother of a beautiful daughter. Nobody asked me to go for this course but I feel I need it. I can see that my cooking leaves a lot to be desired. Please I need help genuinely.

The answer I got from my husband haina kundiitira kwazvo. He said why should you waste money going for a course when you have a great cook in the house. The person he was referring to is the maid.

He even said inga we all miss her cooking Saturdays and Sundays when she is off. Mai Chisamba, zvinoitawo here?

He is telling the truth though. Her previous employer runs a catering service and I think sisi learnt a lot from there.

I told a colleague at work and she laughed at me hanzi washorwa zvisingaite and she told me to watch sisi’s every step maybe pane iri kutotambika between her and my husband. What do you think about kudzidziswa kubika nemushandi wako? Do you think my friend’s suspicion is justified? Should I ignore my husband’s suggestion and go ahead and pay for my course?

Response

Let me make it clear that marriage is not about age but mental maturity. Some of the things that you worry about are very petty and childish.

Why don’t you look at the positive side of life? You even confirm that sisi is a good cook so what is the big deal? You are lucky to have someone who has mastered the trade, it’s a plus why don’t you take advantage of that, learning in the comfort of your home for free.

All you need to do is to swallow your pride and let sisi help you, learning does not end. When you go to work she takes care of your home, your precious child and cooks for you so zvazoipa papi?

We have a Shona adage which says “zano unopangwa uine rakowo”. There is nothing about kushorwa. You should never look down upon the maids; these people do take care of us.

I do not think there is anything going on between her and your spouse. If she worked for someone who runs a catering service then she knows what she does, save money and learn from her.

If you do not want proper lessons just work together in the kitchen and understudy her. Your objective is to learn how to cook, so ita zvino kubatsira.

Wanano haisi yekungotsvagirana tumhosva, it’s a lifetime companionship. Be content that your spouse is the best choice you made.

When you chose each other and tied the knot there were so many others out there but you made it to the altar, so why are you not settled? Maiwe sisi! Maiwe ndashorwa! Maiwe chino! Mozofara rinhi? Enjoy your free lessons with sisi. I hope to hear from you again.SUNDAYMAIL

Write to maichisamba@fbnet.co.zw or WhatsApp 0771415747

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