COMEDY queen, Anne Kansiime of Uganda, successfully contained the pressure and lived up to her billing with a rib-cracking show before a packed 7 Arts Theatre auditorium in Harare on Saturday night.
Dressed by local designers, Chip Street, Kansiime made a grand entry onto the stage at 10pm in a screaming red outfit, before sending the audience into frenzy with her well-choreographed dance routines.
She danced to popular local hit song, Unconquerable by Dr Tawanda.
Some took the opportunity to freeze the moment in time as they captured it on their mobile phone cameras.
Kansiime put up a thrilling performance that left the audience yearning for more.
Taking a leaf from First Lady Grace Mugabe, Kansiime started by mocking women who took much time trying to give themselves an artificial look, telling them to “Stop It,” much to the excitement of the audience.
She started moralising women about love and vowed to love her man until he says “Stop It.” Kansiime drew much laughter when she described women’s hair as pubic hair.
She said women were now using other people’s hair, while hiding theirs, making their hair private and qualifying to be “pubic hair”.
Former Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe governor Gideon Gono, Chikanga-Dangamvura MP Esau Mupfumi and War Veterans minister Christopher Mutsvangwa and wife Monica were part of the audience.
Kansiime said Alicia Keys’ popular hit, Falling, makes “every woman miss her period,” unlike the African language which she described as violent and gave the impression that the relationship was ending when it was just starting.
The comedian said she had visited several places and was warmly received, but Zimbabweans have gone overboard with their love that it appears a show off and told them to “Stop It.” Kansiime praised her mother, who she said was a prayer warrior and qualified to be God’s secretary.
She mimicked how her mother conducted her prayer session, leaving the audience in stitches.
“Many usually ask me what I studied to become a comedian. I did not go anywhere to drive my content. I only visit my mother’s testimonials. She is my hero,” Kansiime said.
Throughout her performance, that lasted over an hour, the excited audiences were recording her show, she warned them to “Stop It”, lest they missed the proceedings.
She poked fun at African marriages, where the whole family gets involved should the wife turn out to be barren.
“This time I went to the village, my aunt came to tell me what I should do to have a child. She said I should put five guava leaves at the left chick, then warm water on the right and demarcate them with my tongue.
“As if that was not enough tragedy, I was supposed to whistle three times with the leaves and water in my mouth, while I run three rounds in the presence of my husband in the house,” she said.
In view of fashion, Kansiime said women often used artificial beauty to attract men and warned men against leaving their loved ones for strange women.
“When you arrive home, by the time she removes the hair, eyelids, layer of foundation, the dress, she would have offloaded, you will not know whether it is a he or she. Better go back with the one you already know,” she said to wild cheers.
“As for me, I am going to love my husband till he says, ‘Stop It’.”
Kansiime applauded local comedians, describing them as talented. She urged local women to venture into comedy.
“Zimbabwe you have talent, I have been into comedy for long and I only knew Carl (Joshua Ncube) and I did not know of Doc Vikela,” she said.
Another Ugandan comedian, Cotilda Inapo, who took to the stage before Kansiime, said Zimbabweans were beautiful, unlike the Ugandan who are very black that they have to move about smiling to show their teeth as a way of traffic control.
“You are lucky that my black complexion did not cause a blackout here,” Inapo joked.
Before her performance, Zimbabwean stand-up comedian, Doc Vikela, mesmerised fans with his well-laughed jokes among them when he described music superstar, Oliver Mtukudzi, as a real example of black complexion.
Doc Vikela stepped on the stage dancing to Congolese singer, Koffi Olomide’s Loi much to the applause of the audience.
As part of his performance, Doc Vikela also tore into Police General Commissioner Augustine Chihuri, over his fall during a pass out parade saying if a police commissioner cannot find the right shoe size, how will other police officers be able to find criminals?
Doc Vikela also joked about former Vice-President Joice Mujuru saying Boko Haram was in the country last year and Zimbabweans should now demand to “bring back our girl Mujuru”.
The comedian bit into musician Jah Prayzah and former Zimbabwe Football Association chief executive officer Henrietta Rushwaya over their alleged affair, sending the audiences into hilarity.
Kadoma-based comedian Carl Joshua Ncube, who acted as the host, had a good show.
In one of his jests, Ncube made fun out of national broadcaster ZBC’s coverage of President Robert Mugabe’s tirade against the west imperialism.
He sent the audience in a delirium when he imitated news reporter, Reuben Barwe and mocked the Shona language which he said was violent than the IsiNdebele.
He said he was a “coloured” because he was a mixture of both Shona and Ndebele.
“Comedy has taken me around places, I have visited 36 cities around Zimbabwe,” he said, attracting wild cheers.
Given the huge following that Kansiime commands, she had to stretch the “laughing sessions” staging another show at the same venue yesterday as the tickets for the first show were sold out. Female musicians Cythia Mare and Tariro NeGitare also performed at the concert alongside versatile beat boxer Probeatz, who emerged the ultimate winner of this year’s edition of the DreamStar Zimbabwe Talent Show, Brian Kadengu, Soul Afrika, famous poet Chirikure Chirikure and comedian Long John.Newsday