Dear Cabinet and Politburo members
COMRADES, as you are all aware, I had to abandon everything and dash to Havana, after our Cuban brothers contacted me and begged me to please be the Mourner of Honour at the funeral of our late Comrade, Brother Fidel, whom — you will all agree — the Lord, in his Goodness, summonsed for his heavenly reward at the weekend.
By CZ|Fingaz.co.zw
So I had to abandon everything and fly over to Havana.
There are those that I am told are claiming that I fled from delivering a State of the Nation Address (SONA) because of fear of repeating the gaffe of yesteryear. Of course that is anodyne nonsense, and as such, I shall not take any offence. I know the opposition is there to find fault even where there is none… since when did they start liking my SONA presentations? I am a decent human — a Christian for that matter — and being I do what my conscience tell me to do … including contributing towards medical bills even for those that I may not agree with. Doesn’t the Good Book enjoin us to rejoice with those that rejoice and mourn with those who mourn?
I especially like Romans 12:19-21, which says: Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: For it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: For in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
Anyway, the truth of the matter is that after I got the sad news of the passing on of Brother Fidel, my mind got so scattered and I could no longer concentrate on anything.
It was for that reason that I decided to call for an early Cabinet meeting so that I could honour the departed brother by becoming one of the first ones to arrive in Havana.
There are those of my detractors who were heard saying the fact that I abandoned everything at the news of Brother Fidel’s passing on showed that I had nothing to do.
This is silly. Who among you doesn’t know that it is taboo to do anything with a body of an old person like Brother Fidel outside of a grave? It is actually an abomination to think about any other work other than mourning the dead. So I have no apologies to make for doing the right thing!
The other reason why I had to be an early bird was because the people of Cuba specifically asked me to be the Mourner of Honour at this funeral… when someone this old dies, there has to be someone of around the deceased’s age who accepts condolences from the younger members of the community. To me there can be no better honour than this. I really felt ennobled.
I also loved it because this made it impossible for our evil detractors — some of whom have tried to kill him hundreds of times, thankfully without luck — to hijack the funeral so that they could pontificate about issues of democracy and human rights… issues that they know nothing about.
I am also told that after I dutifully left for Havana, some of the silly ones back home even started asking how much it costs to fly to and fro Havana… silly, they really are! With Brother Fidel gone, I am getting lonelier…my impassioned eulogy is this: If we wish to express what we want the men of future generations to be, we must say: Let them be like Brother Fidel! If we wish to say how we want our children to be educated, we must say without hesitation: We want them to be educated in Brother Fidel’s spirit! If we want the model of a man, who does not belong to our times, but to the future, I say from the depths of my heart that such a model, without a single stain on his conduct, without a single stain on his action, is Brother Fidel!
Meanwhile, Cde Pats, Emmerson and other legal minds in the party, kindly advise me on the propriety of ordering that all flags in the country fly at half-staff in honour of the hero of all heroes.
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
Former war veterans minister Christopher Mutsvangwa
… AND CZ’S NOTEBOOK
Hear, hear, hear!
Dr CZ is loving it. He is loving it all the way to hell and back. Did anyone out there hear that our litigious brother, Cde Jonathan Moyo, is suing Zimpapers for a jaw-dropping sum of US$9 million after the State-owned media house, whose editors he almost single-handedly hand-picked, defamed him left, right and centre by publishing what he alleges to be highly defamatory claims against him?
The news is that the same Zimpapers group is not flinching… it is pouring kerosene to a naked fire. This week, it published more stuff that it claimed was volunteered by Dr CZ’s most foul-mouthed brother, Cde Christopher Mutsvangwa.
It went like this: “Jonathan Moyo is at it again. He was (recently) on the front pages castigating everybody left, right and centre. He is also suing everybody and everything which is in the form of an institution in this country. He is suing and now he is castigating everybody about succession,” Mutsvangwa said.
“He somehow thinks that revolutionary credentials, democratic credentials can be won by induction like in magnetic field. You know if you take a piece of iron and put it next to a magnet, it becomes magnetised. So Jonathan by staying next to the great revolutionaries, who fought for the independence of this country in Cabinet and in the Politburo and at State House, he suddenly thinks he also has been magnetised as a revolutionary, no he is not. It doesn’t matter what credentials he tries to claim, he has no pedigree. He ran away from the war and after the war he only came back to government about 20 years later,” he (Mutsvangwa) added.
Can anyone in their right sensesw show very good cause why Dr CZ should not like this?
Higher and Tertiary Education, Jonathan Moyo
Finally
Finally, the long-threatened Bond Notes have arrived. It was fast becoming something like the Second Coming. As the only ISO-certified patriot, Dr CZ is going to withhold his opinion on this emotive matter because he does not want to be seen appearing to be like those who are now beginning to question if the whole national liberation war effort was worth it.
Instead, Dr CZ is going to join other spectators and enjoy watching how the highly sensitive market will react to this latest dose.
Customer it right
Boss: (Shouting angrily) William!!! William!!! Come to my office now!
William: Yes Sir!
Boss: William, I saw you arguing with the customer who just left.
I have told you on several occasions that the customer is always right. Do you understand?
William: Yes Sir! The customer is always right, Sir.
Boss: So what were you arguing about?
William: He said that this company is the worst he has ever known and you are the most stupid boss he has ever come across. He said you behave like a pregnant monkey!
Boss: What? That bastard! So what did you say to him?
William: I told him that he was right, like you always say!
