CABINET FILES: I never promised any war vet US$500k, Cdes

Dear Cabinet and Politburo members

COMRADES, I was really shocked when Cde Sydney told me of the claims that some rogue war veterans are making … It is being claimed that they were promised US$500 000 each, among other benefits, which promise they claim we are reneging on.

This is not true. In 1997, when we were moved by the abject poverty that these men and women were wallowing in, out of the goodness of our hearts, we decided to make a sacrifice by offering them once-off gratuities and life pensions, and I am proud to say we have dutifully delivered on each and every one of our promises, so I do not know where these latest claims are coming from.

In fact, when we presented the offer to their then leader, Cde Chenjerai — may his gallant soul rest in eternal peace — he was very sceptical and even pleaded to have the amount reduced substantially because he doubted that we would deliver on that promise. We, however, insisted that this was what was befitting to the sons and daughters of the soil who had made unparalleled sacrifices for the motherland.

After the last of the over 60 000 war vets had collected his/her US$50 000 payout, Cde Chenjerai profusely thanked the party’s leadership for being exemplary and keeping their side of the bargain.

So I am surprised when today some demented people whose credentials as war veterans are subject to doubt come forward and make outlandish claims that we still owe them all that much.

Do we look like we are crazy? Surely, how on earth could we, in our rightful senses, promise to pay the then well over 60 000 war veterans an additional US$500 000 each (a total of US$30 billion!) from this economy?

Anyway, I am not at all surprised. I know where this mercenary attitude is coming from … that miscreant called Chris has just returned from the United States where he had gone for a debriefing with his handlers, and he is the brains behind this attempt to cause mayhem in the rank and file of our disciplined war veteran movement.

We need not remind him that causing alarm and despondency is still a very serious crime in this country! I suspect that his American handlers told him to do this in order to try and turn war veterans against the party and its leadership. Thankfully, our bona fidewar veterans are a trained and disciplined force.

I laughed when I learnt that some of these bogus war veterans are now claiming that they have expelled their patron from the Zimbabwe National Liberation War Veterans Association.

Still on ungrateful people, I notice that after donating towards Morgan’s medical expenses, the chap is now going around boasting that we owe him and also that we fear him, blah, blah.

Instead of acknowledging our cash gift to him as a personal effort to help him, he goes around telling his supporters that what he got from us is not a donation, but part of the pension that he claims we have been withholding from him. What a bizarre claim! I am actually beginning to wonder if this sickness is now also encroaching into his mind as well.

Anyway, he can say whatever he wants, but that does not take away the fact that he is now a charity case… that is what happens to any man who thinks it is wisdom to invest their money in women.

Morgan knows the truth, but as a failed politician, it is understandable that he is always looking for an opportunity to seek relevance, so one cannot blame him for dreaming the way he does. Being Christians, we didn’t look at that when we contributed towards his medical bills. Instead of condemning him, the poor soul needs our prayers so that he can see the light like others.

Also still on these ungrateful people, I am so disappointed that Cde Kembo — a fairly enlightened chap by any stretch of the imagination — would make a fool of himself by following these conmen operating as prophets from every street corner.

For someone who was literally picked from the dustbin to make him the something that he is today, I think it is the height of ungratefulness for him to be unsatisfied as to go around looking for powers to influence the course of history.

I am really disappointed in him. This is more or less what those who have dismissed themselves from the party were doing with the help of Nigerian witchdoctors and some such. Why do people love power to this extent?

I just wonder.

Anyway, let us see how much this handkerchief magic can deliver.

Kindest  Regards

Yours Sincerely

ME

While the just-ended presidential elections in the United States never excited Dr CZ in any way since Yours Truly knows for sure that nothing really changes in American policy towards Zimbabwe, he was, however, one of those few people who were so elated at the pleasantly surprising outcome of the poll. The reason simply being that the results spite those who think experience is everything. The danger of having career politicians is that sometimes they get too obsessed with their own self-preservation to the detriment of the whole country.

What happened in the US should happen more frequently… election outcomes should never be so predictable as sunrise and sunset.

The other thing Dr CZ likes about president-elect Donald Trump is that he tells the truth whole and raw as it is and has no time to hide behind niceties of pretending. This is what Americans voted for. They are sick and tired of leaders who pretend. Americans do not want foreigners in their own country, and Trump promised to help them in this regard. If one is not wanted in a certain country, they should stay in their own country or go to that country where they are welcome, not to force themselves even where they are not wanted. Americans have their own country, which they should do their best to keep it to themselves, just as everyone else should do their best to belong to their own countries. Sadly, Trump appears to be rude because just like fire and water, which cannot be carried in the same mouth, truth and politeness never go hand-in-hand.

Ask Morgan Tsvangirai or anyone in this country, they will tell you that November is a sacred month. In the “month of the goat” people cannot pay lobola, people cannot have weddings, people cannot have memorial services, people cannot do anything life-enhancing because that is the month when the ancestors take a well-deserved rest after a very busy year of looking after their own. So doing anything in this month is considered a very serious abomination.

It is with this in mind that Dr CZ has it on very good authority that Chief Negomo is rubbing his belly gleefully waiting to pounce on Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe governor, Cde John Mangudya, should he dare defy the age-old tradition by introducing the much-awaited bond notes in this sacred month of November. Mangudya should not say Dr CZ neglected his patriotic duty as not to warn him!

Chiefs are stamping their authority all over these days. Only recently, Chief Nyashanu of Buhera penalised the Judicial Service Commission three beasts and a goat for allegedly by-passing him and constructing a new court building at Murambinda without the requisite traditional rituals, a development he claimed had deeply offended his ancestors.

While Dr CZ is yet to see a better case of extortion he, however, would pretend to believe that after this “fine” had been duly paid, the appeased ancestors will do their part in reducing crime in the district so much as to obviate the need for a court in the first place!

Zimbos are always wondering how, despite their record as one of the most educated people on the African continent, they still cannot find their way to dignity as a country.

Everything that should go wrong appears to be going wrong only in Zimbabwe.

Some years ago, one daring woman, Rotina Mavhunga — a mere primary school drop-out — led a whole Cabinet of multi-degreed ministers on a garden path when she claimed to have discovered pure diesel freely flowing from the rocks of Maninga Hills just outside of Chinhoyi.

 The embarrassment that resulted from this incident still reverberates to this day. Many Zimbos thought we had learnt our lesson so well… but sadly, the reality is that we did not learn anything from this incident and in our confused desperation we are more and more willing to make more fools and rank idiots of ourselves.

Only last week, a video of State Security Minister, Kembo Mohadi, allowing himself to be abused by one Malawian “prophet” who is based in South Africa, surfaced on social media.

Not to be left out, colourful Manicaland Minister for Provincial Affairs, Mandiitawepi Chimene came into the fray, unleashing a witchdoctor on War Veterans Minister, Tshinga Dube, after the latter went to address war veterans in the province.

“The issue of a sangoma — I just heard about it because it happened when I had left the venue. I just heard that there was a sangoma, who was doing ‘hirririi tata hiriririr tata’, after I had gone. Those other issues, I have nothing to say,” Defence Minister, Sydney Sekeramayi was quoted as saying while corroborating Dube’s claims.

With a leadership like this, who certainly needs any detractors and illegal sanctions to take the country back to Stone Age?

-Fingaz /By CZ