In a move that has left the entire nation clutching its pearls, President Emmerson Mnangagwa (affectionately known as ED) has given the green light to none other than the flamboyant, controversy-courting businessman Wicknell Chivayo to spearhead the launch of Starlink in Zimbabwe. The decision has sparked a whirlwind of reactions, ranging from bemused laughter to outright disbelief.
The Power of Friendship (and Money)
It’s no secret that Chivayo, whose fashion sense is rivaled only by his knack for attracting legal trouble, has friends in high places. But even his staunchest supporters were taken aback by this latest development. Critics are suggesting that ED’s endorsement of Chivayo for the Starlink project might have less to do with Chivayo’s technical prowess and more to do with his impressive collection of tailor-made suits and an uncanny ability to throw lavish parties.
The Space Race: Zimbabwe Edition
In what can only be described as a scene straight out of a low-budget sci-fi movie, Chivayo, who once famously claimed to have “God on speed dial,” has promised to bring Elon Musk’s Starlink satellites to the skies of Zimbabwe. “Why stop at solar projects and dodgy electricity deals when you can aim for the stars?” quipped a local commentator.
Chivayo, ever the optimist, assured the public that his extensive experience in “dealing with electric stuff” and his “close encounters with UFOs” make him the ideal candidate to handle the intricacies of satellite technology.
Promises, Promises
At a press conference that felt more like a stand-up comedy show, Chivayo outlined his vision for Starlink in Zimbabwe. He assured the nation that soon, every rural hut would have high-speed internet access, and buffering would become a thing of the past. “No more will our streams of poorly pirated Nollywood movies suffer from the agonies of buffering,” he declared triumphantly.
When asked about the financial and technical details, Chivayo waved away concerns with a grin, stating, “Money is no object when you’re this fabulous. As for technical stuff, I’ve watched plenty of YouTube tutorials.”
The Reaction
The response from the public has been a mix of satire-laced skepticism and outright mockery. Social media has been ablaze with memes and jokes, with one popular post suggesting that Zimbabwe’s version of Starlink will feature satellites powered by “an endless supply of hot air.”
Some commentators have pointed out that while the idea of Zimbabwe joining the global space race is commendable, entrusting such a venture to someone with Chivayo’s track record is akin to “handing over the keys of a Ferrari to someone who just learned to ride a bicycle.”
The Future
Despite the widespread ridicule, Chivayo remains undeterred. He has promised that by the end of next year, Zimbabwe will be not only the hub of African satellite technology but also a global leader in “space swag.”
As the country braces itself for what promises to be an interesting ride, one thing is certain: in the world of Zimbabwean politics and business, truth is often stranger (and funnier) than fiction.
